Choosing your wedding party can be a daunting task. How do you select the right people(the people you actually want to choose!) without leaving others offended? You don’t want to end up with 20 bridesmaids but you also don’t want to insult your guests. This relationship jungle can be tricky to navigate and requires the utmost tact and consideration. In this hack, we will give you the top tips on how to choose your wedding party but also how to let others down gently.
It’s about you
Firstly, remember that this day is about you and your fiancé…..not your wedding party. As much as you should want to keep your guests happy, ultimately, the wedding party choice is yours. Your wedding day only happens once and you don’t want to regret having not chosen the right people. Make sure you are happy with the choices you make as your wedding day is a memory you keep forever. Don’t choose your wedding party purely out of obligation. At the same time, make sure you don’t ruthlessly cut people out as this is a sure-fire way to lose friends.
Family or friends?
The next big question is the choice between sisters/brothers or friends. It is quite possible that you are closer to many of your friends as you probably share more common interests etc. so it may be tempting to build your wedding party from your friends rather than your family. Again, the choice is completely up to you. Do what feels right. It is totally acceptable to use friends only and many people may choose to do this. Involving your family however, can make the day even more special(regardless of how close you are) and avoids you from regretting not having involved them at a later date. A wedding is a celebration of families coming together and of a new family being formed, so keeping the focus on family feels very natural.
Do they have your interests at heart?
It is very important that you choose people who are sharing in your happiness on your wedding day. Firstly, they should be happy that you are getting married and have no objections to your choice of fiancé. Secondly, they shouldn’t be jealous of you or be negative about your day in any way. Unfortunately, some people may have some of these negative thoughts about you, but you still feel it is important to make them a part of your wedding party. That’s ok. Just ask them. Be led by what feels right to you. This is just a guide, not hard-fast instructions. When it comes to choosing your wedding party, the most important thing of all is this…..follow your heart.
Ultimately, even if you are unable to choose the “perfect” wedding party, don’t let it stress you out. Your wedding party is not the factor that makes your wedding day the best day of your life, it is just another ingredient in your wedding day recipe. And nobody bakes for the sake of the ingredients, they bake for the sake of the cake. You’re getting married! That’s the important bit.
Letting people down gently
But there are some people who you may need to have that (awkward) conversation with where you tell them they didn’t make it past the judging panel into the final wedding party line up. If you do need to have this conversation, here are a few tips on how to let them down gently.
- Remind them that you could only choose a small number of people
- You may feel you need to cite the reason why you have chosen others before them(i.e. you’ve known them much longer etc.). In some cases this is appropriate but avoid it if possible
- Allow them to be involved in the wedding in another way. They may not be at the top table, but you can still make them feel appreciated by putting them at table 1 or inviting them to your dress fitting.
- Be nice
To sum up. Remember the day is about you but also that the people in your wedding party do not necessarily need to be your first choice. Try to get the balance of making yourself happy and not offending your friends and family. And finally….go with your heart.
Once you have chosen your bridal party, it’s time to start delegating!